Dependencies are more apparent than real

Life is never the same when you become a mother. And it is highly different when you bring a girl in this world. For me, it was like my rebirth.Life is never the same when you become a mother. And it is highly different when you bring a girl in this world. For me, it was like my rebirth.

When I remember my childhood I can recall just one word to sum up everything that described me as a person. That is ‘dependent’. From the very beginning, I’ve been vulnerable and defenseless. I barely left my home until the age of eighteen. I’d only walk from school to home, and even then I’d be accompanied by my brother. It was like never walking without a shadow. I felt like I have no choice or opinion of my own. I could never ever imagine how it is like to see the world without being in someone else’s umbrella. This feeling suffocated me to the core. It buried every trace of self-confidence I had or I could have.

There were other girls in my school. I saw them daily; I listened to them every day sharing stories of how they enjoyed their stays at their cousin’s home. I was never allowed to do so. I would hear them going to shopping with their mothers, sisters and even fathers. I got everything bought for me beforehand. I never had a longing for materialistic things but it was the feeling of independence, the joy of choosing and taking decisions that lacked in my entire life.

Afraid, Frightened, Scared!

I would imagine what will happen if I ever leave my home without anyone. I felt scared but I felt extremely happy with the thought too. I would plan in my head to save some money and get a vehicle for me that I will drive. That will take me whenever and wherever I want. I knew it could never happen but my imaginary world would give me butterflies in my stomach.

I wanted to leave everything and never come back. But the actual truth was that I was a coward.

With zero confidence and absolute absence of courage. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t hide. I had no escape but to be there and rely on others. I was clueless how to face the world outside.

And then years passed by with the same fear. Same circumstances and same dependencies, I got married. Life became better, the dependencies started to become less. Now I could go outside by myself, I could decide things for myself; I could do shopping for myself. But you know what had changed.

Wings to Fly

The desire, the longing for independence died. It was no longer there. In a way, I was so used to of being by the help of others that I started to be comfortable in that way. The ripple in that calm water appeared by the birth of my daughter. It was like I am given the chance of creating another me or not. I decided to do the opposite. My belief was firm and nothing in this world can shake my intentions.

I am going to give wings to my daughter. I am going to teach her to fly without the support or help of anyone. She is not going to be me. She is going to be a self-made achiever. I had always had a dream of having a vehicle of my own. I bought that for her. It’s a bike. It’s her bike.

She will not have to rely on, her father or brother or even her husband to take her to places. She will be at her destinations by herself. She will ride her own bike; she will live the dream of her mother.

My daughter is not old enough now but the moment she is old enough, I’m going to teach her to ride a bike. You know what is great about this. It’s the support of my husband. It’s the agreement of her father. I gave her wings, but she couldn’t fly if he had the will to cut them. It’s his love and strong presence with us that becomes the backbone of our strength. In wish I could do this for every other girl in our society. I wish I could make every daughter fly. I wish I could give a bike to every girl out there who wants to explore the sky.

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